CSotD: Mistakes, Misunderstandings & Lies
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Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit before we tackle more complex issues. Dear Leader has had another physical, and, while Telnaes suggests that you never know what you’re going to find when you look under the hood, we have once again heard nothing but good news.
Unlike the Great Alphonse Capone, he’s apparently not syphilitic, but like his other favorite hero, the Great Hannibal Lector, he seems to be fictional.
At least his weight and his height seem fictional, since the report indicates that he is 6’3″ tall and weighs 224 pounds. Jones suggests perhaps he was weighed on a friendly Republican scale.
As for height, the Irish Star is somewhat skeptical, if for no other reason than that this photo suggests that, if Trump is 6’3″, Elon Musk and JD Vance apparently passed up careers in the NBA. But they discuss other reasons for their doubts as well, mostly having to do with consistency and logic.
I couldn’t find a photo of Donald Trump with his shirt off, but it turns out, according to Dan Le Batard, that wide receiver DK Metcalf is 6’3″ and 235 pounds, so this is more or less what the president looks like stripped to the waist, except that Metcalf is carrying 11 more pounds of fat, so Trump is slightly more buff:
Matson compares him to Leonardo’s Vitruvian Man, drawn as an example of the perfect human body, and while Leonardo didn’t actually write the statement here, it’s not much more enthusiastic and flattering than what Trump’s doctor wrote.
He even said the president’s regular activities include “frequent victories in golf events,” which we may assume he learned from the patient and did not necessarily witness himself, but it certainly fits the pattern we’ve come to expect.
“So what?” you might ask, but I’m reminded of a friend who applied for a job in Japan and put on his resume that he’d graduated from college in May, 1970. It turned out the commencement ceremony actually took place in the first week of June, and his prospective employer’s reaction was “A man who would lie about something so trivial would lie about anything.”
We’re not generally as persnickety about details as the Japanese, but the principle has some merit, since, while his height and weight may only require estimates, we’ve never seen documented proof of those heel spurs that sent some other kid off to Vietnam, and that also seem to have been the polite fictions of a friendly physician.
And not only is the whole world watching, but the whole world is catching on, and not just cartoonists in South Africa but trading partners in Beijing and military leaders in Moscow.
Truth, it seems, is what Dear Leader wants to hear, and he hates to be disappointed, but praise delights him and is therefore true.
It’s best not to disappoint Dear Leader, and so far he has only begun sending gang members, people who might be gang members and people who look like people who might be gang members off to the gulag, along with Muslim students who write opinion pieces that don’t jibe with his opinions.
But as Duquette notes, he’s also declared war on 60 Minutes for airing disappointing — and therefore untrue — reports.
As Sheneman notes, some of the opinions with which Dear Leader disagrees can be found in the Constitution he took an oath to uphold, as well as in the Declaration of Independence, which, among other things, criticized King George “For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury,” and “For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences.”
Not to mention “He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power” and “He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.”
Maybe when he swore to uphold and defend the Constitution, it was like when he said he was 6’3″, weighed 224 pounds and enjoyed frequent victories in golf events.
After all, a man who would lie about something so trivial would lie about anything.
I saw an opinion piece, which I can’t find now, that said we’ve forcibly deported people before, so what’s all the fuss? But Huck points out that we’ve also forcibly imported people before, and I don’t suppose there’s any reason Huck can’t ask the same question, too: We’ve put chains on people and transported them against their wills before, so what’s all the fuss?
Juxtaposition of the Day
Word is getting out that coming to the United States may be hazardous to your health. Anyone who has traveled internationally has run into difficult customs officers, and, in fact, one of the phrases in my high school French class roughly translated as “That idiot douanier made me open everything.”
But the bad apples now have permission, and even motivation, to be particularly choosey and cruel, and the stories of tourists — and people arriving on work-related trips — are becoming so common and so horrifying that officials in other countries are warning their citizens not to come here, while non-citizens already here are afraid that a quick trip home for a wedding or funeral could mean shackles and sleeping on concrete when they try to return.
Dear Leader’s followers used to say they were against “illegal aliens” and wanted migrants to follow the proper procedure and obey the laws about immigration, but now the government is canceling visas and taking away green cards of people who did everything they were supposed to, and his fans applaud that, too.
You don’t even have to be a dissident. The incidents with tourists and visitors at the border often have nothing whatever to do with anyone’s politics, but ICE claims the right to go through your phone and your computer without a warrant, just in case you said something unpleasant or vaguely disloyal about Dear Leader.
Or you might have thought something unpleasant or vaguely disloyal. Or maybe they just feel like doing it.
You’d best just admit your guilt and get it over with.
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