Randall Munroe imagines himself in the Olympics in today’s xkcd, and I notice that the funniest places he’d expect to find an unqualified amateur are in the sports in which style is the deciding factor.
Which evokes a 1959 Peanuts that has always been close to my heart and which, apart from my extensive history of academic mediocrity, also explains why I’ve quit watching the Olympics: Too many of the sports now are a matter of opinion rather than of stopwatches and avoirdupois.
I remember a party during the 1988 Winter Olympics in which the women were all huddled around the TV in the livingroom watching sports while the men were out in the kitchen talking to each other. It seemed a reverse of stereotypes, though granted it was figure skating, one of the oldest winter sports.
Though not as old as throwing the discus, an Olympic sport in which Perseus threw a disk that was blown off course and avoirdupoised his grandfather in the head, fulfilling a prophecy and accidentally winning him not a gold medal but a kingdom.
A similar award is up for grabs in the other games this year, as seen in this
Juxtaposition of the Day
Note that Kal is more theoretical in his analysis, marking the additional barriers placed in the way of any female candidate, while Rowe is specific and points out the particular barriers each of these candidates for the presidency face.
And as far as the distinction between objective measurement and subjective style points is concerned, the presidential race is a combination of the two, making it resemble less a track meet and more a game of TEGWAR.
(I can’t embed it, but you won’t understand today’s post if you don’t watch this video.)
One of the TEGWAR rules cited by Republicans, Michael Ramirez (Creators) reminds us, is that you’re not allowed to smile, and certainly never to laugh, while playing.
Of course, that’s in Rightwing TEGWAR. In Leftwing TEGWAR, laughter is not only permitted but earns you style points, as cited by
and Randall Enos.
Steve Brodner seems to claim that when you have half the players playing Rightwing TEGWAR and half of them playing Leftwing TEGWAR, it ruins everything because the lack of rules clashes horribly.
Or wonderfully, depending on which side of the table you’re sitting on. Perhaps letting a smile be your umbrella is pretty effective after all.
The result, Jeff Danziger (Counterpoint) suggests, is that some of the players prefer to go back to an old game with carefully designed rules that everybody understood. After all, it worked for a whole century, until outside agitators got their own rules passed and ruined the whole game.
Now Gary Varvel (Creators) points out that we ought to look behind the curtain and see who’s really running things now and trying to make it look like one of his puppets could ever become a real person.
While Mike Lester (AMS) reminds us that you are required have to have several weeks of primaries to find out — after having exiled those who didn’t play by the Central Committee’s rules — which of the remaining party members you like best, after which you should have a convention and nominate whatever candidate turns out to be more equal than others.
Then, and only then, the losing candidate can file a cease-and-desist against her own PAC for playing Leftwing TEGWAR, where there are rules saying Political Action Committees are not allowed to collude with the candidate they were allegedly formed to support.
TEGWAR gets mighty complicated, but that’s its main point: To confuse the pigeons.
Mind you, there’s always the risk of confusing your own pigeons, as Matt Wuerker (Politico) points out. When Dear Leader explains that a woman married to a Jew hates Jews, he’s apt to confuse just about everyone around the table.
But don’t judge too harshly: He’s made several fortunes and gained political power playing TEGWAR.
Thing is — Clay Jones points out — after Dear Leader’s pigeons have become thoroughly confused by the powerful players who understand the mystifying rules of TEGWAR, they’ll be happy to be freed from ever having to play the game again.
Especially after having been assured that they won the game, though somehow they’re headed home with empty pockets and their underwear yanked up in the back.
Gary Markstein (Creators) runs the risk of reminding readers that, whichever version of TEGWAR we choose to play, there once was a rulebook somewhere, once upon a time.
In fact, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy had the Republicans read that rulebook on the floor of the House in February.
Eight months later, the Republicans fired him as Speaker of the House, and replaced him with TEGWAR expert Mike Johnson, who explained, for example, that the First Amendment’s ban on establishing a state religion didn’t actually mean you couldn’t have an official religion recognized by the government.
It’s actually TEGWARTC — The Exciting Game Without Any Rules That Count.
And to emphasize that crucial point, the Supreme Court ruled that it’s always dealer’s choice.
Which makes sense, because the Justices are originalists, and, when they looked back at the actual history, they discovered that the Founders of our nation were originally the subjects of a king.
Juxtaposition of You Keep Using That Word
At least Bok — who appears to be losing faith in Trump, but not able to commit to Harris — uses the word properly, as an adjective, though I don’t think you can be “too brat.” While I am too old to be an expert on the word, I think either you are or you aren’t. Though maybe you can, in the sense of being “too cool for school.”
Darkow uses it as a noun, which is grammatically traditional, but applies it to someone who is 39 years old, which hardly seems appropriate.
In any case, I think the word belongs to the kids, at least for the moment. And I say that as someone who can remember when his sister got in trouble at the dinner table for saying that something was “bitchin'” back when that meant, well, brat.
Watch for bright green bumper stickers. They may tell you more than any polls.
(Let’s pretend Neil spelled it “reign”)
I liked Thomas Zimmer’s comment on his substack.
“As for the question of democratic legitimacy: Yes, the party is deciding in this case. But that doesn’t automatically make it an illegitimate affair. Parties play an important role in the democratic process, ask every functioning democracy in the world. The idea that a contested convention would have meant any less back room dealing and decisions being shaped by powerful party officials is rather bizarre. And lest we forget, Kamala Harris was on the victorious Democratic ticket in 2020, and during this year’s primaries, it was obvious she was going to continue serving with Joe Biden. Whatever democratic legitimacy derives from that, it is more than any of her potential challengers possess.”
https://thomaszimmer.substack.com/p/kamala-harris-may-force-a-reckoning
No way are you getting me to play Neil Sedaka! Let’s all leave that ear worm where it is!
Are you suggesting that the Left version of TEGWAR (for those who aren’t old enough, that’s The Excellent Game Without Any Rules from the book Bang the Drum Slowly) is Biden dropping out and Harris becoming the presumptive nominee? ‘Cause replacing a candidate who drops out is actually in the Democratic National Committee’s rules.
I only mentioned replacing Biden by mocking those who claim a convention is required. If anything, such an argument is Rightwing TEGWAR:
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/is-it-really-unlawful-to-replace-biden-on-the-democratic-ticket-election-law-experts-say-no
They will be voting on it before the convention. It’s between Kamala Harris and Marianne Williamson. The suspense will be palpable, so don’t forget to palp it.
For more insight into regional variations of the game, click on the link I told you to click on if you wanted to understand what today’s post was referring to.
Republicans go from howling that “nobody voted” for Harris to howling for the guy who promises nobody will ever have to vote again, which is going to help make more people vote for Harris.
For a certain generation, you’re talking about Calvinball.
Amen
Well, the leader of their party tried to play TEGWAR (or Calvinball) with a national election after he lost one. And he’s the example the whole party follows.
The only true thing he ever said was that he could shoot somebody and they’d still support him.
The difference is the goal of Calvinball is to have unbridled fun, TEGWAR only seeks total victory at all costs.
As noted in the film clip — and referenced throughout the post — TEGWAR is a con game used to fleece unwary pigeons. Nothing to do with Calvinball or other fun games.
“The EXCITING Game Without Any Rules.” – Mark Harris
“You could look it up.” – James Thurber
In gamer parlance, Trump is a “table flipper” — the sorest of losers who will wreck the game rather than admit that someone beat them. This usually gets you banned from most game stores and groups, and shunned by other players before your toxicity ruins everything, and yet somehow the GOP decided this is the guy who should be running the tournament.
The truly pathetic thing about Trump is that, even when he wins, he is incapable of taking the W. #sad