CSotD: Sunday Funday

Stan’s probably right in this Pros & Cons (KFS). I hope that everyone is watching the world crumble, but I suppose I take the role of the optimist, thinking realistically that people don’t generally change until they hit rock bottom.

And hoping they hit bottom is probably a pessimist’s most optimistic take.

 

But Paul Fell is perhaps the true realist here, because he doesn’t expect the American public to become engaged at all, as long as there are chips in the cupboard and the cable doesn’t go out.

It’s a safe bet. We had one of the most consequential Presidential Elections in history in 2020, and a record turnout, but, the Census Department reports, a third of eligible voters still stayed home.

Well, la-di-da.

If there’s any comfort in that, it’s the realization of how much of life these dismal drones miss out on, though, of course, they don’t know it.

Huxley imagined a world in which test-tube babies were programmed to accept their place in society. I have no idea why he thought this would ever be necessary.

But, hey, I’m just an optimist trying to come across as a realist.

.

Maybe, like Agnes (Creators), I should lighten up and become a poet. Which I did, or, at least, like Agnes, I managed to look like one.

It’s an old gag but never fails: I dressed up like a poet in a dark jacket and long scarf, mostly taking my cue from Richard Burton in Candy, which had come out that year.

I got up on stage at the campus coffeehouse and explained that Hal David never gets credit for the beauty of his lyrics, that they are often overshadowed by Burt Bacharach’s symphonic music. And that I intended to set things right by reading them as the poems they are.

For instance:

A chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight
 
A room is still a room, even when there’s nothin’ there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart

It went very well, chiefly, I think, because a chair is, indeed, not a house.

 

Juxtaposition of the Day

(Big Nate – AMS)

(Zits – KFS)

One of the disadvantages of being ADD is that nobody will play Trivial Pursuit with you because you’ve got so much random garbage floating through your brain ready for quick recall.

However, it did come in handy at test time, not simply for rapid recall but for a tendency to look behind the curtain.

This is a bad thing when it comes to action movies, because you’re always focusing on the special effects rather than the storyline.

But it’s a great thing for test-taking, where it’s not important to know the answer as long as you understand the questioner.

I would question Big Nate today on this basis: Not that his casual attitude rings false, but because my experience was that his classmates — the honor roll kids — walked into test trembling over all the people they would disappoint if they didn’t know the products traded by the Hanseatic League, and what it would do to their GPA.

They’d come out in a sweat, swearing they’d failed it, which, of course, they hadn’t. But, then, neither had I, which raises an objection to Zits, as well, since I can’t picture Jeremy being the type who feels pressure, either.

As for a test’s impact on my GPA, report cards were six weeks away. I couldn’t focus on things that were six hours away.

Besides, it would be hard for me to mess up a test so badly that it lowered my GPA.

I didn’t say it was a perfect system. Just stress-free.

 

Speaking of imperfect systems, Real Life Adventures (AMS) is funny in itself, though I think I might be more tempted to switch to some alternative station, given the half century gap in my age and that of the valet I’m trying to impress.

But it put me in mind of another piece of wisdom the source of which I’ve long since forgotten but the wisdom of which remains largely intact: If you’re buying a used car, turn on the radio and punch the tuning buttons.

It’s not infallible, but, if you turn up two NPR stations, you can be relatively sure the car got regular oil changes and was driven at or below the speed limit.

On the other hand, if they’re all country, there’s a good chance the car was even better maintained, though it might not have been driven as conservatively.

If it’s hard rock, let the valet buy that one. He’s been practicing for a car that wants to be driven like that!

 

Paying attention to comics history comes to the fore on today’s Lockhorns (KFS), because, a few years ago, it would have been a variation on that gag: “Someone stole my wife’s credit card.” “Did you report it?” “No, they’re spending less than she did!”

The strip has evolved, however, and these days their incapacity is mutual, with Leroy sometimes coming out on top, Loretta being the winner other times and a lot of panels in which they share a life of quiet frustration.

Or maybe I’ve just learned to relate to them: “Who steals my purse steals trash,” Iago said, and I agree with him, though perhaps not for the reasons he gave.

 

Finally today, a reminder from Arlo and Janis (AMS) that quiet frustration is mostly a choice. Being alive and having lots of food is reason enough to celebrate.

Particularly when you can assemble a feast from flour, refritos, a few rashers of bacon and some eggs.

Knowing how to cook is both vital and sexy.

Not to mention sparing you from this tragic heartache: