CSotD: Humpday Humor

I saw a UFO or a UAP or whathaveyou back in 1969. I was lying in the grass like Red and Rover (AMS), only it was night, and dark. I saw a round, disk-like object in the air, with a white band across its middle and lights around its circumference.

It approached, then flew directly overhead.

At which point I saw that the white band was the wings of a small aircraft and the lights that appeared to define its circumference were actually lights on the wing tips, distorted into a circle by the humid air.

Which isn’t much to report, except that I’ve sometimes wondered what I’d believe today if it hadn’t passed so close.

 

If you’d prefer, you can wonder what we’d believe if the scenario in Man Overboard had happened.

For one thing, this place would be a shrine, literally. There’d be crutches and broken-down motorcycles all around the doors.

Meanwhile, the idea that paradise is ignorance of the concept of good and evil is attractive, and I’m also interested in the idea that Eve could talk to the snake, since there are other cultures in whose folklore ancient people were also more a part of the animal world, including having the ability to talk to them.

This is the only animal/human conversation in Genesis, but Eve doesn’t seem surprised by it, so I think we can assume Eden was one big happy family, until the knowledge of good and evil screwed things up.

Though the fact that she knew they weren’t supposed to eat the fruit of that tree suggests a hint of knowing good from evil.

Asking for consistency in folklore is asking a lot. It’s best to kind of free your mind and go with it, rather than parse it closely.

I had a professor in college who said the opening of the Book of John, “In the beginning was the word,” could also be translated as “In the beginning there was a great wind,” which opens things up to a much more philosophical interpretation, particularly since John was writing in an era that had begun to differentiate history from folklore. A lot in John is clearly folkloric, though more in the sense of metaphors than in the sense of talking animals.

My prof worked on one of the translations of the Bible, though I don’t remember which.

What I do remember is that he told us that, when he was at Cambridge, the don on their floor was the fellow who had discovered the Hittite Civilization.

And that, “when he died, we stole his furniture.”

So much for the knowledge of good and evil.

 

Bizarro (KFS) plays with a different kind of genius.

My dog has a variety of friends who are what I would call “Designer Mutts,” though not in front of their owners, and, while some of the combinations are inventive, I’m not sure it takes a genius — evil or beneficent — to get dogs to fornicate.

In fact, my 60-some years as a dog owner suggests that it takes a great deal more genius to keep them from fornicating when, as the Cialis commercials put it, the moment is right.

I’m also suspicious that crossing two breeds to get the best aspects of each is like the apocryphal story of the starlet who said to George Bernard Shaw that it would be wonderful for them to have a baby with his brains and her looks, to which he replied that certainly it would be, but what if the poor child had his looks and her brains?

Meanwhile, I think donations to rescue groups should be split, with half going to support adoption programs and half going to lobby state legislatures in the South to cut down on the seemingly endless supply.

I know some great adoptions and, certainly, some terrific designer mutts, but, then again, I mostly know the dogs who are sociable and stable enough to hang out at our park, which features lots of dogs and no fences.

I also see a lot of dogs being walked on leashes on the street, with their owners hauling them up short and warning us away.

A dog is at least a 12 year commitment. Take your time and be sensible.

 

Mannequin on the Moon (AMS) features a different household pet, though, if you think keeping dogs from fornicating is tricky, keeping cats from slipping out to wreak havoc on local songbirds is equally difficult, and at least dogs only go into heat twice a year. Cats seem to be constantly plotting escape.

Kindly people take in feral cats and neuter them so they won’t produce litters, and then release them, which is nice for the cats but I suspect they haven’t done a survey of the birds’ opinions.

I like cats, but I suspect Guerra and Boothby are correct about what indoor cats are thinking.

 

Where to start on this Deflocked (AMS)?

We’ve got a quaint little small-town ice cream store here that is cash-only while even the vendors at the Farmer’s Market are able to swipe a card on their cell phones. You can quaint yourself right out of business if you don’t keep up with the times.

The pricing thing is more problematic, because either my taste buds are becoming more sharply tuned with age, which seems extremely unlikely, or ice cream companies are slacking off on quality, and I’d include Ben & Jerry in that.

I’d also point out that “a pint’s a pound the world around” except, lately, in the ice cream aisle.

So anyone who makes their own has a leg up, but, then again, “small batch” is not always a guarantee of “extraordinary quality,” and, times are tough, so whether it’s ice cream or the veggies at that farmer’s market, you have to make some effort to be competitive in your pricing.

You want nostalgia, kid?

I’ll sit you out on the back porch to turn the crank and get us some real ice cream, dagnabbit.

 

Finally, speaking of cranks, I offer this Reality Check (UFS) to prove that I’m not one and that I’m fully capable of enjoying silliness.

Hey, I’m good-bad, but I’m not evil.